Happy May Day! Have you marched in solidarity with any workers today? No? Well, it was raining. We forgive you.

• So. The government sent a plane to New York to spray us all with killer Swine Flu vaccines, and now we are all autistic. This happened because some people forgot about 9/11, which why we embraced the coloring book of terror.
• Then a Secret Service agent caught the Swine Flu, but the president remains curiously resistant! This was all explored in an episode of 24.
• Portfolio died but before it did there was a brief, tense moment when we thought it'd be Adam instead!
• We asked where the Hipster Grifter was, but she was just still out in Brooklyn, grifting away. Grift on, sister.
• Tina Brown, though, should stop grifting. We are getting tired of it.
• This week in MEDIA: Brian Ross is an old-school hard-nosed reporter who gets everything wrong all the time because he believes everything he hears! Glenn Beck is still nuts! Oh, Barack Obama had a press conference to warn us of the SWINE FLU but he was hijacked by reporters. Dangerously gay reporters!
• Hah, Obama's socialite outreach lady fucked up the recession message in WSJ. And WSJ. still exists! And still has that weird period!
• Hey, a crazy lady is pretty sure her dad, JFK, was the Zodiac killer from that movie. You know, Captain Corelli's Mandolin. That movie.
• The mayor of San Francisco has a nutty wife who does nutty things in nutty movies. That's San Francisco for you! Always with the nuttiness!
• Meanwhile here in New York Blair refuses to take the subway because Joe Biden told her not to and Richard contemplated a world in which he liked Alex and Simon.
• We found the shittiest job in the world!
• Julia Roberts: She's just like us! Except rich!

p.s.

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.