New York Will Now Send You Back Home

The Way We Live Now: Like Poors. Have you enjoyed being a member of the Middle Class—nay, Upper Middle Class? We sincerely hope so, because you are now evicted. Time to move to Florida.

Were you under the impression that only poor people are being evicted, because they can't pay their meager rents on their even more meager salaries/ bottle collection earnings? Not the case. In fact, lots of people who got laid off from good jobs are getting evicted, too. It's a lot easier to not be able to pay your rent when it's high!
"It's kind of dehumanizing," one laid-off law firm clerk said of losing his apartment. "They see you as a certain kind of person [ED NOTE: He's talking about a "poor" person here]. We've never been that certain kind of [Poor] person."
So sure, you may be like "Fuck these non-poor people, let them feel the pain!" But that very well may be your future, and ours! Also there's the story of the lady whose kid died and she had to borrow clothes for the funeral because her stuff had been put in storage and ugh, Jesus, no.

So, just another reason to leave New York in shame. But luckily for you, in all those states where housing was REALLY hot and then TOTALLY CRASHED: the market's coming back! Arizona! Florida! Nevada! And other sun-bleached swamps and wastelands! Buy now, before everyone else rushes in! It's a great time to get into real estate "flipping," we hear.

Face it: When 72 year-old women are getting mugged at gunpoint for $2 in Long Island K-Mart parking lots, it's time to get out of New York. You can't afford your apartment, anyhow. Hellish Central Florida development, ho!