Oprah Must Calm America's Furious Chicken RiotsS

The breadth of Oprah's Free KFC Giveaway Disaster yesterday is just starting to become clear. Reports now indicate that the desperate—and dangerous—Oprah-induced public rush for free chicken and biscuits was a nationwide phenomenon:

In the breathtaking and blurry pic above, a line stretches outside the Penn Station KFC yesterday—a line that would soon morph into a full-blown public protest, in favor of free chicken. The manager of the store now says that the coupons will be honored today, as well, so rush right down there, everyone! But the KFC panic was widespread; look at this violent report from North Carolina:

Greensboro Police were forced to block off the entrance to the KFC on Bessemer Avenue during the dinner rush Wednesday night.

The Fire Marshal shutdown the restaurant when too many people packed inside, and many customers left empty handed.

And what is Oprah's response to this public chicken mania that she has sparked? To deny the very real danger of RACE RIOTS:

A spokewoman for Oprah's Harpo Productions in Chicago said they are not aware of any problems with the coupons.

We'd all love to pretend that we weren't "aware" of the problem, Oprah, but we've passed that point now. What we need now are solutions—real solutions, involving large sums of money from you, funneled to the angry public, via certain online media outlets who will take only a nominal percentage fee for their cooperation. Otherwise the Chicken Riots of '09 may, indeed, become your greatest legacy. Of shame.