Miss Cali 'Persecution' Is the Best Thing That Ever Happened To HerS

Oh no, everyone is being all mean to Carrie California because she is an idiot and she subscribes to some of the more popular bigotries! Lady should be thanking the Homosexualist Agenda.

Who won the Miss USA pageant? Anyone? Miss... Guam? We don't know, and don't care! But we alllllll know Carrie Prejean (Related searches: "carrie prejean racy"), Miss Proposition 8, the pageant loser who won't get off of our TVs or our popular celebrity gossip blogs. She's in commercials! (Because NOM couldn't get any real actors for their miserable commercials, but still: it's work!)

So, yes, Carrie, you are being persecuted for your beliefs. You have the right to hold whatever beliefs you like, and everyone else in America has the right to call you a bigoted moron. The Liberal Elites are all-powerful and have passed judgment on you! And, obviously, Gay Elites control the portions of the Media not controlled by Jews, so you will never work in this town again, because that is how the Liberal Gay Elites treat dumb skinny blondes who espouse half-baked conservative talking points.

Oh, no, wait: they coddle them and throw them on TV all the time.

So yeah, it sure sucks that everyone is seeing those embarrassing "topless photos" of you, that you posed for, professionally, as a professional model, and sure, people are only republishing them to make you feel bad (the photos offer very little masturbatory appeal, the usual explanation for the popularity of racy pageant contestant photo scandals), and it sucks that TMZ is all delving into the divorce of your parents, but hey, that is the trade-off: we get to "persecute" you and you get to now become terribly famous, like you wanted.

Don't worry! There is an entire economy set up to promote and sustain resources like you and Bristol Palin and any other mildly famous person with right-wing beliefs!

And oh, that TMZ marriage thing? Maybe you have issues with gay people because during the messy dissolution of your parents' traditional opposite marriage your fucked-up mom kept telling you your dad was a fag because he had a mustache? The hell is that about?