This week we shine the light on recent casting call for a real/fake Hipster Reality Show! Our guests: Hipster guru Robert Lanham, author/playwright Rachel Shukert, and harpy blogger Becky Sharper. Go hipster or go home!
Let's assume this thing isn't a hoax or an art project by a recent Oberlin grad who thinks he's bohemian because he found bedbugs in his beard.
Do you tap the family trust fund? Do you idolize Dan Deacon? Are you SO not worried about getting swine flu 'cause that shit only happens to poor people?
They're not looking for hipsters. They're looking for entitled idiots. And wait, before you say it, I'm well aware. The terms ‘hipster' and ‘entitled idiot' have been synonyms for close to a decade now. But come on, isn't hipster rage about as tired as PBR and trucker caps? Of course there are plenty of ridiculous, pretentious idiots in Williamsburg-and New York as a whole for that matter. But would you rather be living in a stripmall in the exurbs of Richmond where alt culture consists of seeing The String Cheese Incident perform on Friday at that state-run amphitheater next to Applebees? (I'm from VA, so I can make fun). Personally, I'd rather be in a place like Williamsburg where people appreciate film, music, and fashion, even if I do have to put up with people named Unicornicopia and the neighborhood's other goofy excesses.
I hope the hipsterhood reality series is for real. That way we can pin all our hipster rage on a handful of dipshits and begin recognizing the difference between artists, people who are cool, and entitled morons. We clearly need a few sacrificial lambs and anyone who would answer that casting call is a perfect fit.
Indeed. Next up, we had to get a Jewish perspective — so often the jewish females don't get to weigh in on matters of hipster import — herewith: Rachel Shukert, currently doing more hand-wringing over her fondly-reviewed original production The Noisemaker's Apprentice, has provided an alternate version to the original recruiting pitch.
Douchebag Reality Show Made By Douchebags for Douchebags Seeks Douchebags.
Did you wake up today around 1:30 EST in your industrial loft, spend three hours in front the mirror figuring out the outfit that makes you look most like a male teenage prostitute in a Bulgarian gypsy encampment in 1981, and take a leisurely stroll down Bedford Avenue while smoking a Parliament and pretending to speak Spanish to the guys in the bodega? Do you have a tattoo that has been written up in a trend piece in the New York Times Style Section? Did you get the tattoo after the story came out? Are you simultaneously an aspiring musician, screenwriter, documentarian, filmmaker, fashion designer, and visual installation artist, while displaying no visible talent or determination in any of these fields? Did you used to be a vegan until the new Bedford Cheese Shop opened? Have you ever used your knowledge of cheese to impress a date? Does your mother give you shit about your handlebar moustache, or did you just stop talking to her?
Do you consider 25 "old age" because you've never talked a girl older than that into sleeping with you? Did you try to talk me into paying $45 for an old tie with a stain on Bedford the other day, because it was "vintage"? Are you not worried about the swine flu because it's a government conspiracy, just like 9/11? Did you make sure to wear your keffiyah when you went home for Passover? Were you recently the victim of the Hipster Grifter? Have you claimed that you were a victim of the Hipster Grifter, or told all your friends that you fucked the Hipster Grifter, even though you actually never met? Do you privately think that some of the Hipster Grifter's pick-up lines were pretty hot, and plan to try them out once the dust has settled? And most importantly, what are you going to do this summer now that everyone is actually poor?
If you live in Williamsburg, are between the ages of 18-25, and are cool with opening your doors to a camera crew (your seven roommates, their occasional sexual partners and ironically named cats will have to be cool with it too), please send us the following:
• Photo of yourself (this may be all we need)
• Five things that make you a douchebag.
• A short description of yourself and why you want to be on the show, apart from promoting your band.
This reality TV show is about 10 years past relevance, IMHO. I think the whole Williamsburg hipster thing has reached its apex, then had a backlash, then a backlash to the backlash, and now most of us regard them roughly the same way as the rats we see on the subway tracks—skeevy, probably disease-ridden, wouldn't want one in our personal space, but an otherwise unremarkable fact of New York City life. Maybe it'll be all edgy and urban to folks in Duluth, but the rest of us are too over it to even bother slagging the hipsters, let alone watching them on TV.
Also, the dumbfuck casting agent who says "you won't be required to live on an island" has obviously never seen a map of New York City.
Look like we have a consensus hipster-fatigue thing going on. But what say ye hipster commenters? Or are you too busy figuring out how to impress the producers? Honestly, I wouldn't mind seeing more hipster chicks on television. Holler.