Wild Orangutans Eat Your Stock Rally

The Way We Live Now: Schizophrenically. By Friday everybody was like "Stocks have recovered!" and this morning everyone panicked and sold everything, predictably. Monkeys are rampaging through this weak economy!

The Dow was going GREAT GUNS with a BIG RALLY last week which caused economic terrorists to point out, hey, stocks aren't cheap any more, and then because investors are "skittish," everything tanked again this morning, so we're back in the hole as usual.

Luckily Americans just reverted right back to their previous behavior, eating only the cheapest Kool Aid soup and ketchup sandwiches and hoarding pennies in a purloined sock drawer. We've raised the subway fares and stopped hiring new teachers, to assure that it's harder for our kids to get school, and if they do make it, it will suck.

In short, after a few weeks in which the faintest idea of hope glimmered through the clouds, America is comfortably regressing to bleak days of old (late 2008). Orangutans have figured out how to release themselves from their electric cages. The end days draw ever nearer.
[Pic via]