Greta Van Susteren, an adult with a lucrative career as a famous journalist, writes the best blog in the world. She is terribly upset that someone called her a "handler."

See, Greta was taking rugged Alaska "First Dude" Todd Palin to the White House Correspondents' Dinner, because of her weird obsession with that entire family. And, in her role as "Todd Palin's date," she apparently forbid some Politico reporter from asking Todd any questions. The Politico reporter was all, "ok, Greta, whatever, we won't bug your precious boyfriend Todd Palin," and this became "gossip on the internet" (which is "viral") and thus necessitated a response, written entirely in blue run-on sentences.

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.