Should Carrie Prejean, the beauty pageant contestant who hates gay people even more than cellulite, be executed? Some say "Yes." Others say "Free Speech." Now the decision has fallen to bouffanted ethics professor Donald Trump.
"Shame, shame, shame," [coexecutive director Keith] Lewis said, adding that if Prejean is stripped of her crown, it will be "not for her beliefs, but for the breach of contract you so willfully encouraged.
Whatever. We all know that this is still totally about her dim, moth-like ideas about "opposite marriage" and gay people who do gay things.
Anyway! The bigwigs (quite literally, actually) inside the storied, Masons-like Miss California board of directors were scheduled to make a decision today about whether or not Prejean should be stripped of her title. But instead of issuing a proclamation of yea or nay, the notorious cabal simply decided to sidestep any culpability, saying that they're just going to have her runner-up be their ambassador and that it's up to the Donald, who runs the whole Miss USA scholarship program/robot army, to announce whether or not she'll retain the crown.
He'll do just that in a very important New York press conference tomorrow morning. Should he decide to kick her off the rhinestone pedestal, expect a full-blown Reign of Terror to ensue, in which the streets run red with the fag-hating blood of random Nebraskan housewives and Gawker commenters—not to mention the precious viscous goo of Free Speech itself!
Stick with us for all the coverage on this Issue of Our Time.