Who Will End Celibacy For Horny Priests?S

It can't be that often that priests have a chance to do some good for the world, can it? Well Father Alberto Cutié, the Miami celebripriest and admitted woman-liker, does. And he's shirking his duty.

Father Cutié, a.k.a. Padre Oprah, a.k.a. That Sizzling Attractive Mega-Pastor That All The Church Ladies Love to Daydream About, got caught by a magazine making out with a lady at the beach (35 year-old Miami lady Ruhama Canellis, btw). That's frowned on by Catholics, apparently. Now he says he's in love with her. He seems sincere. So here's his chance to make his mark as the anticelibacy priest! End this stupid no-fucking-for-Jesus rule forever!

"I don't want to be the anticelibacy priest," he said. "I think that's unfortunate."

Who Will End Celibacy For Horny Priests?

The fact that you don't want to be the anticelibacy priest is what's unfortunate, Padre Oprah. Here you are, looking like a movie star, popular, well-adjusted, with a beautiful ladyfriend. What about your unattractive and socially awkward colleagues who are dying to get laid? Are they to speak out for themselves? Everyone will think they're freaky God pervs. You're the man who could make it happen. Do it for your boys. Stand up and proclaim once and for all: God Wants Me to Screw.