Carrie Prejean, the Miss California who hates gay marriage and does porn, was pardoned today by Donald Trump. She'll keep her crown! But not before she gives a teary, terrible speech.

A (Free!) speech about feelings and beliefs and freedoms and her grampa who fought in World War II and God's divine countenance and His divine winds that blew open her shirt during a photoshoot, exposing her breast. It's hard to tell whether she's thanking all these things or blaming them. All we really know is that Donald found Carrie's speech "beautiful."

The best lines from Carrie's defense:

• "I would like to thank God with this large task."
• "I am a strong woman."
• "I am not an activist. Or anything."
• "I'm an advocate. I'm a model. I am a Christian."
• "I am proud to be an American." (Where at least I know I'm free?)
• "I had not been photographed in nude or semi-nude publication."
• "My grandfather served under General Patton in World War II. He did speak about the freedoms he fought for and taught me to [voice cracking] never back down and never let anyone take those freedoms away from you."
• "This should not happen in America. It undermines the Constitutional rights for which my grandfather fought for."
• "A windy day."

  (Thanks go to Gawker video maestro Mike Byhoff for this excellent clip.)

  
  Update: Oh, and MSNBC's David Shuster's reaction is priceless: "Can I vomit right now?" (via Newser)

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