May 12, 2009 02:04 PM
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Wed Feb 10
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Charlie Crist is going to be your next closeted gay Republican Senator from Florida! Thanks to the liberal media! Adam Lambert should probably look into politics.
Crist is the governor of Florida, where he is wildly popular. He will basically win in a walk, even though he's facing challenges from more Conservative Republicans.
So the thing is he was totally just one of those "whatever, I'm gay, just don't tell anyone" conservatives, for years, hanging out in gay bars and things, until he became a Bigger Deal, at which point he was fabricating girlfriends, and then he married a woman. An actress. This is when he thought he was going to be John McCain's vice president. That didn't happen, and he already got that wife, so... let's run for the Senate, maybe?
Don't worry about him, though—only the trashy Florida alt-weeklies and blogs like this will ever tell his terrible secret! Like when NPR aired their review of the documentary about outing hypocritical closeted politicians and, oddly, removed all references to Crist and even Larry Craig, who was arrested for soliciting bathroom sex.
"NPR has a long-held policy of trying to respect the privacy of public figures and of not airing or publishing rumors, allegations and reports about their private lives unless there is a compelling reason to do so," Dick Meyer, NPR's executive director of Digital, told Indiewire.
And, hah, the guys at Movieline immediately went out and found the NPR piece on how American Idol contestant Adam Lambert is probably a big gay gay person. He is not even a hypocritical politician—he's never said gay people shouldn't get to adopt kids or get married!—he is just a flamboyant dude on a singing show. There is just as much "proof" that Crist is gay, even if he doesn't wear guyliner.
Anyways, as long as Crist remains precariously closeted, he will be a ticking time bomb of hilarity waiting to happen. Good luck with that Senate run!
Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.
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