Just Who the Hell Is Paula Froelich Talking About?

Page Six gossipeuse Paula Froelich has written a novel! One of those thinly-disguised novels about real New York people. But just who is she parodying in the book? She's teased some blind items:

All as a means of promoting the book, Mercury in Retrograde, of course. The full list of items is on the Huffington Post (you can win an invitation to her book party!!!!!), but these are our favorites.

Who is...

Kandace Karllsen, a "real, expressive" newswoman "with heart" who talks with her hands because it "drives the point home" and is fixated on "proper a-NUN-see-ay-SHUN!" She likes to call gossip columnists and give them items about herself. In fake voices, of course. In order to make herself seem "bookschooled" Kandace also uses long smart-sounding "words" like "Irreducibly", "irregardlessly," etc.

Laura Lopez, a nakedly ambitious blonde 30 something entertainment reporter from a Wasp background (she changed her name as "by 2011, Hispanics will be the largest demographic in the US and they will want to watch one of their own!") lists her idols as Geraldo Rivera, Natalie Morales and Charo. Likes to describe individual celebs as "down to earth," "a real gentleman" and "so funny - not depressing at all!" (with regards to a manic-depressive comedian who was in rehab for a bad meth problem and tried to commit suicide several years earlier).

Kitty Foil, a teen starlet who accuses one of the main characters of "box-blocking" her with a film director at the Met gala. A 17 year old actress who'd been raised in the Disney farm leagues, Kitty brags about losing her virginity to Mick on a tour bus, keeps running to the bathroom to "powder her nose," gets very drunk and ends up doing improbable yogic positions in rollerblades before wreaking havoc on the gala (yes, this really happened with someone, just not at the Met Gala).

That last one is Mlle. Cyrus, maybe?

Also, it bears mentioning that apparently Paula has created a character named Ashley Winksdale, which, ahem, I believe she should give Lily Allen some credit for.