Jennifer Aniston's Breakup History is Just Horrendous

Some guy shamed himself in a restaurant to try to get Jennifer Aniston back, Criss Angel is going around stealing cats all over Las Vegas, and Kate Gosselin is most definitely boning her bodyguard.

  • So back whenever Jennifer Aniston was still a peasant she was working as a waitress and she broke up with some guy she was dating and he was totally heartbroken so he brought his mom to the restaurant and got down on one knee and begged her to take him back and Jennifer told him to go eat a bag of dicks. [US Weekly]

  • Magical twatwaffle Criss Angel allegedly stole some guy's cat in Vegas and now the law is getting involved. [Page Six]

  • US Weekly's "body language expert" says that Kate Gosselin is probably boning her bodyguard, something like eighteen times a day. It's just crazy! [US Weekly]

  • Why the hell would an accused south Florida madam allow herself to be seen hanging around with the likes of Paris Hilton and Mickey Rourke? Beats me! [The Juice]

  • Ryan O'Neal says he wishes Farrah will just go to sleep and not wake up. [Daily News]

  • The crazy lady who allegedly set John Ratzenberger's car on fire speaks! [Radar]

  • Bruce Jenner's new face looks exactly like his old face...fucking creepy! [Dlisted]

  • Oh wait, maybe Lindsay Lohan's house was broken into after all! [E Online]

  • Gerard Butler faces six months in jail for beating up a paparazzi guy. [Dlisted]