There are so many fun, crazy, shouting people on TV. We should talk about them more often.

• Everyone had a grand old time at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, because we live in changed times, times when back-patting and self-congratulating are fashions of the day.
• Miss Carrie California continued her reign of terror, invoking General Patton, her grampa, and the mighty wind god Zephyrus as reasons for her hardcore nude gay hating. She was rewarded, fittingly, with a gig at Fox News.
• A major Oprah-caused KFC chicken crisis swept the nation like a fowl flu, and the company was forced to pass off Montauk Monster meat as chicken to sooth angry customers.
• Christian power bottom gay porn stars are hitting the big time these days, though they still could always use some simple advice.
• Gay hysteria-starting Twitter ended the conversation this week. Fittingly, so did Owen Thomas. (Goodbye and good luck, friend!)
• Guest blogger The Cajun Boy discovered the value of posting Daily Show clips, especially if they're about date raping ASU twats. Or if they feature Keith Olbermann. (Um, sorry about that, dude!)
• Good news came with glasses on this week, as a bespectacled American villain was sent back to the salt mines of obscurity by a suddenly sober citizenry. Shanti.
• Krazy Kari the Hipster Grifter totally conned people, as did President Obama sort of? but not really? right?
• Zounds, something totally crazy went down on House this week, while something not at all crazy happened at Yale.
• On Gossip Girl, as in life, we are all merely ghosts of our younger, more annoying selves. Speaking of young and annoying: Kindergartners in Manhattan are totally freaking out and Lil' Bristy Palin done skinned herself a cat.
• Our former intern James Frey has secret tapes of Oprah, perhaps in which she discuses orchestrating a nationwide run on chicken to appease the beef industry.
• Oh and that reminds me, food stuff! Frank Bruni died. Or, um, I mean he retired. David Souter retired a while back, too, and now Obama has to choose someone from your grandma's bridge club to be on the Supreme Court
• What does it all matter anyway. In the end we all just die, even if we're on TV. And that's just how Ted Nugent likes it. In fact, he'd like to shoot you himself.
• Finally, we say goodbye to the dynastic House of Noel, which lived fierce and large in Greenwich, CT until the economy monster caught up with them and all were devoured. We'll miss you dear hearts. And, most likely, we'll all be seeing you soon.

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