Real Housewives' Kelly Bensimon Hates Being Kelly Bensimon

Kelly Bensimon comes to the stark realization that she was on a reality TV show, a Vogue intern gets a stripper's digits, and Brittney's still getting her cashflow juiced by everyone.

  • Kelly Bensimon is ruined, Ruined! she says. Apparently, Bensimon realized during the reunion episode that she came off like a total bizznatch on the show and now regrets looking like an ass on reality TV. Whoops! [Page Six]

  • Natalie Portman isn't into Sean Penn, she says. Which is too bad, because on the SAT question that asks what follows in a logical progression after Natalie Portman dates professional weirdo Devendra Banhart, I definitely wrote "Sean Penn." Shit. [US]

  • Vogue intern and sometimes-hockey-player Sean Avery hit up Scores the other night and a stripper followed him out and gave him her digits. A few nights later, he hosted a charity benefit for something called the "Garden of Dreams," which incidentally has nothing to do with his cock-region. [Page Six]

  • Britney Spears spent over $3M in scrilla, dishing out cash hand over fist in legal fees, $188,556 for assistants, and lots of groceries for "PopoZão" singer Kevin Federline. [E!]

  • Paris Hilton's neighbors want her out of the 'hood so badly, they're willing to bribe her landlord an extra $5K. [TMZ]

  • Bruce Jenner's new face is here, and comes with rear airbags, a direct MP3 hookup, and a daughter who won't shut the fuck up about her Dad's new face. [NYDN]

  • Paps checked Brooke Shields' mother out of a nursing home. Rights to the best meta-buddy-comedy of all time are being optioned as we speak. [Wonderwall]