Cops With Tasers: Good For Taking Down Fake Cougars, Children, Naked People

Do you remember what life was like before cops had stun guns? They sure as hell don't.

For example: those Keystone Cops defending the great state of Michigan came through in the clutch when it took nine of them to report to and taser a stuffed toy cougar (of the large scary junglecat variety) hidden in a discarded drain pipe. Even better than the 911 call of someone frantically reporting a toy cougar in their backyard (hysterically documented here) is the fact that, yes, cops tased a stuffed toy cougar. But stuffed cougars aren't fun - they don't scream! You know what does?

A child, of course. A bunch of prison guards in separate incidents on their favorite day of the year - Take Your Kids To Work/Maximum Security Prison Day, naturally - decided to give their kids a few volts experience of what it's like to be brutalized!

As part of demonstrations at two prisons, children held hands in a circle, and one was shocked with the stun gun, passing the shock around the circle. At another prison, children were shocked individually.

Problem is, you light up some kids, you get in trouble. Raving maniacs, on the other hand, get an "it's cool." Last September, NYPD cops killed a man after he fell two stories to the ground post-tasing. They tased a Naked Wizard at Coachella, even though you know Devenda Banhart would totally get away with this:

Naked Wizard Tased By Reality from Tracy Anderson on Vimeo.

They taser b-list celebrities! Pastors! Shit, they can just straight up kill moody teenagers via tasing and get away with it!

Taser-fever shows no sign of dying out any time soon. Sure, people are arguing for regulations, trying to convince local officials wherever that there actually might be some harm in delivering thousands of volts into people as standard operating procedure, but come on, cops love it! It sure looks prettier than a curbside nightstick beating. And now, there's even meta-tasering: the people who make the original Taser are suing the guys behind Second Life, because you can human-cattle-prod people there now, too. I'd note something about this being "shocking," har har, but, yeah: it's not.