Andrew Breitbart, the one man fighting back against the terrible injustice that is the occasionally dumb opinions of Hollywood's rich liberals, does not care for protests interrupting his dinner!
Breitbart has a website all about how dumb Hollywood people are so dumb, because they are liberals even though they are rich, and this is a life-consuming obsession of his, cataloging the dumbness of the opinions of people famous because of their ability to say the words other, smarter people wrote. It eats away at his soul, the fact that Matt Damon is a Democrat!
This is a very common cause among the conservatives in Hollywood, and from what we understand there are plenty of them, but they all pretend to be endangered, secretive outcasts, even they are just as rich and dumb as the rest of the population, out there. And their dumb beliefs are generally just as unimportant and inconsequential, except when they kill people, like Jenny McCarthy.
But yes, on the whole, who gives a shit that Jon Voight is a psycho right-winger and Ed Begley Jr. drives a solar-powered Segway or whatever? What does it matter? It just offends Breitbart to his very core that these successful people can be kind of dumb and knee-jerk in their politics. They are elitists!
So the other day, Breitbart is out with his wife at "Shutters, an elegant, white-veneered hotel along the ritzy Santa Monica shoreline." (Don't worry, this is a "rare" trip to a "special-occasion place," he is not one of those elitists!) And some protesters go by. And Andrew Breitbart's response, during a fucking romantic dinner with his wife, when confronted with people marching by on the beach, is to run to the balcony and flip them off, because they hate America.
As they passed, the protesters stared sourly at the second story where we sat. Fellow patrons wondered aloud what this now massive conga line was all about. About 300 people into the procession, I spotted a sign that had "war" written in it. One T-shirt read, "Stop forcing our children to be your soldiers."
It's a voluntary army, you stupid kids!
A thousand marchers into the protest, the sour looks aimed at the hotel's clientele began to wear on us. The marchers' defiant smugness started to make an enemy of me.
"Oh, no," I thought. The antiwar movement that I saw growing only days after Sept. 11, 2001, was at it again. I thought: Even with a new president - and one who mostly shares their point of view - the I-love-a-protest-parade political left couldn't help itself. It likes ruining nice sunny days. Protesting is what these people do. Sneering at their fellow citizens is their chief skill. Projecting arrogance is their birthright.
So with the antiwar sign, the T-shirt and the thousand-strong parade right under our noses, I began to seethe. These anti-warriors were trying to destroy the peaceful seaside vibe and our pleasant Jose Cuervo buzz.
Knowing that Susie considers a true escape a day when politics isn't on the menu, I kept my observations to myself. I even restrained my natural impulse to run down to the sand to go mano a mano with the rabble-rousers.
But when one dude raised his fist like runners Tommie Smith and John Carlos did at the 1968 Mexico City Olympics, I could not hold myself back. I jumped from my seat and bolted to the center of the balcony, where the American flag waved furiously in a now-harsh wind. Positioned next to Old Glory, I countered the young punk and reached out my right arm directing my middle finger in his direction.
Can you guess what actually happened here? The hint is the bit about "children" being "forced" to be "soldiers." Andrew Breitbart just flipped off a demonstration by Invisible Children, a group dedicated to raising awareness of the plight of child soldiers in Uganda.
And as those quoted paragraphs from his self-serving "apology" basically show, he is still fairly proud of his seething hatred for the "defiant smugness" of "stupid kids" who just go out marching against wars because they enjoy "sneering at their fellow citizens" (per the guy who flipped the fucking bird at his "fellow citizens").
So don't try to harsh Andrew Breitbart's pleasant seaside mellow with your boring, smug talk of sending aid money to help abducted child soldiers return home, stupid kids!