Complaining Parents Turn Their Ire on Obama

Is there any creature full of more self-entitlement than a suburban parent? Yesterday, a bunch of kindergartners didn't get to tour the White House because they were an hour late. Their parents are outraged and, no, they won't reschedule because they're too busy, Mr. President That Hates Children.

Like all men, Barack Obama hates children and loves football. So yesterday he fake-invited a group of Virginia kindergartners to the White House just so he could watch them cry when he turned them away to hang out with the Pittsburgh Steelers.

A group of 100 kindergartners from Stafford County, Va., were supposed to tour the White House yesterday, but were turned away when their bus was late. They say they were shut out because the Superbowl-winning football team was visiting Obama. This is very important news that is very revealing about who Obama really is, and the White House press corps should be praised for getting to the bottom of it.

"Here we have President Obama and his administration saying, 'Here we are for the common, middle class people,' and here he is not letting 150 5- and 6-year-olds into the White House because he's throwing a lunch for a bunch of grown millionaires," Stine said.

The parents claim that they were only 10 minutes late, and that it's not their fault because their chartered bus hit traffic, which usually never happens on I-95 between Fredericksburg, Va., and Washington, D.C., so how could they have known? The White House says it was more like an hour, and they held the gates open as long as they could, but it is the White House, you know? Things to do, etc.

Obama invited the kids back for another shot, the damage has been done and these kids have already lost their faith in America and will probably just go visit an Al Quaeda training camp next time:

Parents say it's probably too late. The school year ends in a few weeks and they doubt the tour can be made up in that time.

Because a trip to the White House during the summer can be so inconvenient, what with soccer practice and camp and stuff. And next year they're in first grade, so obviously they'll be too busy.

Kindergate is the second outrage over Obama's invitation to the Steelers: Linebacker James Harrison refused to show up yesterday because Obama didn't really want to meet the Steelers. He just wanted to meet the Super Bowl winner! "He would have invited Arizona" if they had won, Harrison said, incomprehensibly.