Onetime Britain's Got Talent underdog turned operatic, tearjerking sensation Susan Boyle made her return to the stage tonight on the semi-final episode of the show. Did she come correct?

More or less. She performed "Memory" from Cats. Anything from Cats, even as a theater guy, I find particularly creepy, but the Brits absolutely love that show, and they love Susan Boyle. Match made in heaven. Again: don't get it.


Anyway: she went with a crowdpleaser, it was cunningly smart. The thing starts out slightly underwhelming, but Boyle manages to pull the last strong, heavy notes out of the song to rile up the crowd. Whether or not we're under a placebo effect with Boyle, it doesn't matter: even Simon Cowell admitted to being made to feel stupid and terrible by the way he regarded her before she sang for the first time on the show. At this point, she could cover Sid Vicious covering Sinatra's "My Way," and we'd be there with a YouTube embed, ready to lap it up. And that's kind of okay. Susan Boyle's one of the few things keeping us all sincere.

What I mean by that is: if you don't like Susan Boyle, you can go die. This bitch's on wheels, and kiss, no kiss, nothing's getting in her path to the top. Nothing.