The voting machines were tampered with! By "voting machines" we mean the mindless finger-dialers from Arkansas who were tricked by the nefarious AT&T syndicate into voting for, successfully, Miss Kris Allen, the straight white corn boy who defeated, in an upset, gay Frankenstein. The New York Times now cries foul.
They're curious about two viewing parties in particular, held in Kris' home state of Arkansas, to which AT&T reps showed up to demonstrate how to use their fangly new cellphones. AT&T, as we all know, is the only cell carrier that American Idol accepts text message from. So why did the company show up to viewing parties in the AR, but not wherever Adam Lambert (gay Frankenstein) parties were going down? Forget that two viewing parties could hardly be responsible for a victory—unless there were like two million people at each party, and there aren't even that many people in Arkansas. No, that doesn't matter, because we sharks have a sniff of blood in the water and we're not going to relent on the probing questions.
Were Idol and AT&T in league on some sort of anti-gay voting initiative? Should the outcome of the show be reconsidered?
And, most importantly, can any election anywhere ever be trusted again?