We Must Forage Enough Roots to Sustain Us Through the Bitter Winter

The Way We Live Now: Hungrily. We've been reduced to eating food that we canned ourselves. What did we can? The weeds in the garden. Mmm, minimal sustenance.

One thing I never understood about the whole "can your own food" fetish: is canned food at the grocery store really that expensive? Are you in fact saving money by purchasing heavy glass jars and filling them with virgin olive oil and pounds of fresh vegetables purchased at the twee urban farmer's market? Is this a more economical solution than a 99 cent can of Goya black beans? I don't pretend to know the answer. What I do know is that canning is back. No more shall foodies bow to the tyranny of Aisle 6: Beans, Sauces, Canned Vegetables. Instead, they're canning things. To save money, I guess.

But WHAT TO CAN? Sure, the New York Times tracks down the rich folks who are canning widely recognized varieties of fruit. Ignored by the liberal media, though, are those common Americans who are saving money in a better way: they pull the weeds out of their yards (or a neighbor's), and eat them. If you can get by on dandelion stems for nine more months until the job at White Castle opens up, you'll be amazed how nearly-positive your bank account looks.

Or you can sell them to yuppies, for canning. Capitalism works.