State Senator Hiram Monserrate, who allegedly slashed his girlfriend with a glass when he found either drugs or another man's business card in her purse (then he tried to take her to a hospital outside city limits), would like his charges dismissed, please.

See, one member of the grand jury that indicted him was a cop in the same precinct as the cops who investigated him! He was recognized by another cop who testified that Monserrate's girlfriend told him it was all a terrible misunderstanding, this face-slashing. This cop is named "Reefer." "Reefer" told Monserrate's private eye—a former cop, of course—that he recognized the juror.

Oh, god, look who Hiram's lawyer is.

"It was incumbent upon the [prosecutors,] who were aware of the relationship ... to ensure that the grand juror not hear testimony from his fellow officer or participate in the proceedings," lawyer Joseph Tacopina said in court papers.

Yep, it's tabloid-working PR-expert and famously non-"sleazy" bulldog defense attorney superstar Joseph Tacopina! He defended Jared Paul Stern and Michael Jackson's manager and lots of other beloved superstars. He has most recently been seen in these pages lying to investigators and obstructing justice on behalf of 9/11 hero top cop Bernie Kerik. It is just perfect that Monserrate retained him.