This week we all just couldn't stop hugging each other, all the time. Our parents were shocked! Sorry, old man! This generation hugs!
- Musician Jay Bennett died because our health care system is the envy of the entire world.
- Sonia Sotomayor enraged everyone by being selected by Barack Obama to fill a vacancy on the Supreme Court. Honestly, this reaction would've met anyone Obama selected, short of maybe Robert Bork. Anonymous senior administration officials who are David Axelrod fought back, to the protests of various members of the press, who then called up some other anonymous senior administration officials (Axelrod) for quotes on background.
- The torture photos Barack Obama won't release may or may not depict rape and sexual abuse. AND AT&T totally rigged American Idol! And teenagers are hugging each other! Scandal!
- A guy named Mancow pretended to get waterboarded and then declared that it's torture.
- No more finance guys at Soho House! And: Soho House still exists!
- Spencer apologized to Lauren! All it took was several hours of interrogation "blindfolded, facing a wall, by up to four men," and threats of 10 years in prison. No, wait, that was something else.
- Liz Smith and Pretend Housewife Kelly had a friendly, non-business lunch, together, that Liz wrote about, for her internet column. Jersey Real Housewife Teresa lost her forehead in a tragic accident. And oh, hey, one of her fellow Housewives used to be a coke whore! And the mob is going to kill her, live on Bravo, next week. Then she'll have to be on Lifetime :(
- The guy that kills Danielle live on RH:NJ next week will probably be connected to this crazy new Facebook investor too.
- Adam Lambert is the worst thing to happen to the gays since marriage.
- Susan Boyle is basically living out A Star Is Born, except with kind of a late start. Maybe she should talk to Greta Van Susteren's shrink sister? 'Cause Greta probably isn't.