Naming NYC's Parks For Fun and Profit

New York City, which is broke, of course, is selling off naming rights for its city parks. For mere millions! Using sociogeographical insight and imaginary marketing expertise, we have compiled a list of exactly who should buy these rights for a half-dozen parks. Read it and argue:

Central Park Tennis Center ($5 million): Um a tennis company HELLO?!?

Pool at McCarren Park, Hipster Central (Pictured, in all its glory. $3 million): The hipster kickball league, obviously. If they can't get the money together, then Raytheon Integrated Defense Systems.

Pool at Flushing Meadows ($3 million): HahahawaitwaitguyswaitokayhereitisCHARMIN. Ahahaha. Because of toilet paper.


Chelsea Recreation Center ($2 million): Something so gay. South Carolina.

Ball Fields at Dewitt Clinton Park in Hell's Kitchen ($2 million): Gordon Ramsay can't afford the logical Hell's Kitchen tie-in. So...America's other favorite gourmet chef, Rachael Ray.


Sports Facility at Mill Pond Park, The Bronx ($2 million): The 'The Bronx' demographic is not desirable to corporate America at this time. Thank you for asking.

[NYP, pic via.]