New York City, which is broke, of course, is selling off naming rights for its city parks. For mere millions! Using sociogeographical insight and imaginary marketing expertise, we have compiled a list of exactly who should buy these rights for a half-dozen parks. Read it and argue:

Central Park Tennis Center ($5 million): Um a tennis company HELLO?!?


Pool at McCarren Park, Hipster Central (Pictured, in all its glory. $3 million): The hipster kickball league, obviously. If they can't get the money together, then Raytheon Integrated Defense Systems.

Pool at Flushing Meadows ($3 million): HahahawaitwaitguyswaitokayhereitisCHARMIN. Ahahaha. Because of toilet paper.

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Chelsea Recreation Center ($2 million): Something so gay. South Carolina.

Ball Fields at Dewitt Clinton Park in Hell's Kitchen ($2 million): Gordon Ramsay can't afford the logical Hell's Kitchen tie-in. So...America's other favorite gourmet chef, Rachael Ray.

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Sports Facility at Mill Pond Park, The Bronx ($2 million): The 'The Bronx' demographic is not desirable to corporate America at this time. Thank you for asking.

[NYP, pic via.]