Everything You've Ever Loved to Get Remade and Ruined

Officially out of ideas, Hollywood continues to mine the recent past for any bit of something worth reviving. Movies that you and I both loved once. Plays that the English loved many centuries ago.

Manic kewpie Amanda Bynes has begun a two picture deal with Screen Gems, starting with Easy A, a high school comedy starring Emma Stone. Bynes will play a "puritanical queen bee" who shuns Stone after she does it with a boy. When I was 23 I got laid off from selling tickets to Menopause the Musical and moved back in with my parents, on my birthday. So, you win Bynes. You always do. [Variety]

Ah a reunion of friends. Jack Nicholson may team up with writer/director James L. Brooks for his next movie, which already stars Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson, and Paul Rudd. Nicholson and Brooks made beeyooteeful music together in Terms of Endearment and As Good As It Gets. Someone go grab Holly Hunter too. [THR]

Oh, twee and tweed and PBR and hand-drawn opening credits. Dmitri Martin's Important Things show on Comedy Central has been picked up for a second season. Most successful show involving an easel since The Joy of Painting. [Variety]

Dear God. That 80s movie Valley Girl (starring Nicolas Cage) is getting remade as a Romeo & Juliet-themed musical with a New Wave soundtrack. It'll be directed by theater vet Jason Moore. And don't worry! This won't be the last exhumation of an old 80s flick. MGM is launching a campaign to revive a bunch of old titles, from RoboCop to Red Dawn. So, good. [THR]

Ohhh nooo. I thought the above news was bad. The guy who wrote that Angelina Jolie thriller Salt has been tapped to pen a remake of... Total Recall. Why? That movie is perfect! With the exploding lady head! And the three boobs! Cohaaaagen! [Variety]

OK, I'm about to give up. Catherine Hardwicke (Twinkle: A Vampire Ballet) will direct Emile Hirsch in a modern retelling of Hamlet set in present day America. With, one hopes, classic lines like "Why don't you go to nun school or something?" and "Oh my god, yo, I knew that fool Yorrick!" [THR]

Oh, and Zac Efron's guesting on Entourage. World, ended. [EW]