Brad and Angelina Are Getting Married to Squelch Rumors of Their Love's Demise

Brad and Angelina are getting married in New Orleans, Brooke Shields settled with the National Enquirer for kidnapping her mother, Mariah Carey is getting fat, Pete Doherty shot up on a commercial flight, and Denise Richards is addicted to boob jobs.

  • Friends of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie say that the couple is planning to get married in New Orleans, perhaps at the end of the summer. Pitt and Jolie have resisted getting married in the past, but feel motivated to show the world that they're really in love and aren't breaking up any time soon by getting hitched, a move sure to kill the relationship once and for all. [UK Mirror]

  • Brooke Shields has reached a settlement with the National Enquirer after reporters for the tabloid did one of the most bizarre things in history of "journalism"—-They showed up at a New Jersey nursing home that cares for Shields' dementia-addled mother and checked her out of the facility, claiming to be "friends" of hers. [Daily News]

  • Mariah Carey is getting fat but her people claim that it's all good because she loves food and isn't afraid to pack on a few pounds to enhance her "curves." In other news, Mariah Carey recently got married, a social condition that often leads to weight gain by all parties involved. [New York Post]

  • Britney Spears' LSU football-loving dad has banned booze from backstage during her concert tour in a desperate attempt to keep her sober, but that hasn't stopped Britney from hitting the London club scene during her time there. [Sun]

  • Pete Doherty was on a British Airways flight to Switzerland and needed a fix, so he got out of his seat in coach, marched on down to the plane's bathroom and shot himself up. He was arrested when the plane landed. It's possible that his little act, which we suppose gives new meaning to the term "mile high club," may get him banned from the airline for life. [Dlisted]

  • Denise Richards has had three boob jobs so far in her life, but she doesn't think that the kids out there should ever consider having one, because the kids are beautiful and don't need to have boob jobs, or something. [UK Sun]

  • So Dr. Drew stated the obvious and said that Lindsay Lohan is a trainwreck who will more than likely wind up dead before she can clean her life up, then Lohan responded by trashing Dr. Drew on her Twitter and now the Dr. Drew/Lindsay Lohan catfight you've all been waiting for is in full swing. [EOnline]

  • Gordon Ramsey got pissed at an Australian journalist and called her a "lesbian pig," and now women's groups are calling Ramsey a pig. [UK Mirror]

  • Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish spent the weekend watching Phillippe's children with Reese Witherspoon play Little League baseball. [PITNB]