Are you a resident of New York City? If you answered 'yes,' have you passed away in the last two months? Surely you have. Look to your left. Look to your right. Both of those people have swine flu!

The NYC Health Department did a survey, which found the scariest lead ever:

The city Health Department says that more than a half-million residents of the Big Apple may have contracted swine flu.

But fewer than a thousand cases have been "confirmed," because so far officials have only tested Conde Nast employees.

The half-million bodies littering New York's streets justify the swine flu panic, retroactively!
[NYP. Pic: NYM]

Send an email to Hamilton Nolan, the author of this post, at Hamilton@gawker.com.