The good people of Fox & Friends (which ones are Fox and which ones are the friends?) are outraged that their vacations might be endangered by four innocent men recently freed from years of wrongful imprisonment!

Uighurs are a Chinese minority group persecuted by the government. A bunch of them went to Afghanistan to escape that persecution. Then: whoops! 9/11! So America invaded. And America did things like pay Pakistani bounty hunters to round up random people who may or may not be dangerous terrorists, so we could ship them to our illegal off-shore prison, in Cuba. And that is what happened to our Uighur friends. A couple years later, the US determined that these were just some guys who hadn't done anything. And four years after that it was decided that maybe they shouldn't have to be in our military prison anymore, if they hadn't done anything.

So here's where we run into a problem: we cannot send them back to China, because they will be tortured and executed. We cannot send them to America, because America is scared of people it wrongfully imprisoned for years without cause or due process. We cannot send them to some random other country, because who would want them? What a pickle!


Well it turned out that we could just send a couple of them to Bermuda, a little island inhabited by tropical drink umbrella peddlers and cruise ships. Now Bermuda is a "dependency" of the UK but the UK's mild objections to this little relocation are basically unimportant. Especially compared to the very reasonable and important points brought up by Steve Doocy, the lady, and the guy who isn't Steve Doocy.

"We better warn Geraldo they could be coming to Puerto Rico!" Sure!

"Do you want to go to a place where that guy over there, in the sombrero, was actually trained in a terror camp in Afghanistan?" What a good point! No, I don't want to go to this weird Mexican restaurant in Bermuda, with the Chinese Muslim staff! I'd imagine the food would be terrible!