Survivalism Is the New Urbanism

The Way We Live Now: Not the way you think. It's not a pay cut; it's the new work-sharing. It's not stealing; it's the new honesty. It's not homelessness; it's the new camping.

Yes, you're working fewer hours at your failing company, and receiving unemployment checks. But don't go equating that to "pay cuts" or, you know, "being on unemployment." It's all part of a revolutionary new empowerment scheme called "work-sharing." Let me break down to you exactly how it works: you get paid less, then you get an unemployment check to make up for some of it.

It's dynamic and "Outside of the paradigm" shape-shifting public-private partnerships like this that allow America to continue gleaming the cube of economic change agency—ergonomically leveraging savvy technology and good old-fashioned American "high-priced attorneys" to create fundamental new platforms for sharing. Work-sharing.

And other countries? Backwards fucking savages. Simple as that. Take Indonesia, for instance—a foreign country in the world. Lots of corruption over there. An entrenched culture of bribery and cronyism. So what do they do about it? Do they put their business leaders up against the wall and start over from scratch? Do they sink everything into arms production? No. They build these new "honesty cafes," where you take whatever food you want and then pay for it yourself, to encourage "honesty" in the population.

I mean, get a load of these fucking Indonesians.

Meanwhile, back in the "Big Apple," in the "Do or Die" borough of Brooklyn, Bucktown section, enterprising young American NYU graduates are living in tents in their friend's back yard. For $100 a month, they get a patch of dirt and a bathroom key. Graduates of one of America's priciest universities, ladies and gentlemen. Saving money.

"We have parents that could give us money to get an apartment," the NYU grad told The Post, "but it's nice to be independent."

Well, that's the old can-do...

"My dad said this is a harebrained scheme," he said. "He said, 'I don't know why you want to live in a tent,' but he said the same thing about moving to Brooklyn."

Look kid: your dad is self-evidently right, as you are currently living in a tent, in Brooklyn. Do you see that? Which do you value more, independence, or getting laid? Dozens of generations of wealthy Americans before you have valued the latter. Dirty hippie tent babies didn't build the American economy. Yet.