Doctors are lazy and greedy and do not care about you. But Americans do not know this! Because of the TV, they think doctors would come up with a good national health care plan. They would not.

If the doctors made a plan, it would involve paying them even more money to not bother keeping up with advances in their fields and not ever letting you sue them when they hurt or kill you. Despite this, American trust the doctors more than anyone else—even Barack Obama, America's boyfriend!


Anyway, also, the Washington Post's Steven Pearlstein has illustrated his column about how much doctors suck with a picture of tv's Dr. House, who is addicted to painkillers and hates his patients but HE GETS RESULTS DAMMIT, and that is basically how doctors see themselves. But they are all secretly hallucinating the ghostly apparition of their best friends' dead girlfriends! (SPOILER ALERT.)

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.