On this rainy (still???) Father's Day weekend I wanted to debut yet another new feature for the toolchest: TAN Remakes the Hits! Herewith: a remix to "21 Questions" by nutrient-enhanced rapper 50 Cent.

This was one of my father's favorite songs when it came out a few years ago. He loved it like a carnivore loves steak! He also very much raised me on the whole "you know my style/I'll do anything to make you smile" sensibility.

So in the spirit of smiling, and Father's Day, I want to send this next song out to my daddy who hooked me up with a sense of humor, a deep voice, and, I suspect, the buttery two-button suit I'm rockin' above. Word.

Now, ladies, I have some questions:

MP3 File


New York City …
you are now rallying …
with The Assimilated
gotta love it

when I blog sometimes I twist the la
write posts on my iBook g5 (ed: just go with it, people)
it's all white, like these girls that's on my jock
I don't know son, it makes no sense to me
hope you got everything you need cause I
am so broke it might even make you cry
I got some questions that I gotta ask and I
don't give a fcuk what you give as an answer baby

It's easy to love TAN
But what if I'm not a brand?
Just a man
Would you still have love for me?
Can you get me a Ketel-cran?
The official drink of TAN
So scram
And show your love for me


if I got AIDS tomorrow
would you still touch me?
if I lost both my arms
would you still hug me?
if I got knocked into a coma for half a century
could I count on you to still have respect for me mentally?
if I killed the prez
i'm on the run from the feds
would you mind wearing a beard
and growing some dreds?
if I give you a black eye
you wearing glasses to hide?
if you caught me cheating
would you let it slide?
if I got you a fake bag for $5.99
are you giving me head
or starting to whine?
what if you work a tough job
straight walking with blisters
while I'm home, unemployed
banging your sister?
if I bite off your tongue
would you bite back???
if I nut in your eye
would you wipe that???
I could piss in your mouth
you know a nightcap???
might pass a little gas
I know you like that ...


These are questions that need answers, people.