Today In Ostensible Leaders of the GOP: Mitch McConnell

Jew-baiting possible closet-case Senator Mitch McConnell is the new new leader of the Republican party! Sort of!

McConnell, an unlikable asshole from Kentucky, has been the Senate Minority Leader since 2006, when wannabe presidential candidate Bill Frist retired and the GOP decided to appoint someone who wouldn't just be running for president and performing surgery on gorillas all the time. He would never run for President, this McConnell character, because, as we said, he is very unlikable.

Anyway as Minority Leader McConnell is winning a lot of very important battles, like convincing Democrats that closing Guantanamo would allow terrorists to roam free around the USA, and right now he is working very hard to make necessary and nationally popular health care reform toothless and ineffective. So he has had some help, in these legislative battles, from spineless Democrats and the deep pockets of the entire health care industry.

How does he answer charges that he is just being an obstructionist, though? With nonsense.

"Anybody who is in the minority is accused of obstruction. It's a fairly common charge," McConnell said. "I may be Darth Vader to some groups, but to a lot of others I'm Luke Skywalker."

Don't worry, Mitch. We don't blame you for being an asshole who actively wants to hurt the nation. We blame Harry Reid and the rest of the Senate Democrats for letting you assholes have a voice despite your lack of coherent answers to any of the nation's many, many pressing problems.