Jon and Kate Shock the World!

Well, not really. We already know they filed divorce papers in a Pennsylvania court on Monday, but that doesn't mean America doesn't want to have it confirmed by Jon and Kate in their own words, so here you go.

Jon and Kate say they're "separating!" They never mentioned the word "divorce." So does that mean there's hope? Oh, who are we kidding—As if we care!

You all do know what this means, right? TLC will create a Jon and Kate Plus 8 spinoff, so they'll each have their own shows, which will run back to back on the same night. Are you ready for Kate Plus 8 and Jon Plus 8? That's how you maximize advertising baby! And America will certainly slurp it all up, every last drop.