Rudy Addresses Albany

Albany is such a joke, the Post photoshopped everyone as scary clowns and the Times handed over its op-ed page to the funniest/scariest clown of all, Rudy Giuliani.

Rudy has a plan to fix New York State Government: put him in charge of it! No, but seriously. He would like a State Constitutional Convention. Because a legislature that cannot get a quorum because half the members have locked themselves in the chamber and stolen the gavel will probably get right on that Constitutional Convention thing.

Once that happened, voters would select delegates, to go to this convention, in November of 2010, and then, after the convention, everyone would vote, again, on the recommendations, so this is maybe more of a long-term "fix," Rudy, when what we need right now, at this very moment, is for those fucking idiots to just shut up and vote on legislation.

Oh, but let us hear Rudy Giuliani out. Because, you know, we are always so fair to him, and never call him a fascist, or a cross-dressing opera-loving Manhattan dandy whose much-vaunted political acumen turned out to consist entirely of an ability to rile up and stoke the insecurities of the White Ethnics.

But let's look at his recommendations to our new Constitutional Conventions (so exciting! it's like a state fair!).

He'd like a more sensible budget process, term limits (hah!) for statewide elected officials (HAH!), redistricting by independent commission, campaign finance reform (o rly), "supermajority for tax increases" (mandatory supermajorities always cure partisan gridlock), pay increases for judges, and a better system of gubernatorial succession.

Aren't those all, with the exception of the tax increase thing, reasonable suggestions? Look at Rudy over here, playing the bipartisan elder statesman, ready to bring seriousness back to Albany! It is almost like he is trying to make center-left rich white Times readers more comfortable with the idea of Governor Rudy, or something!

Of course if Governor Rudy was faced with this current crisis, he would probably try to solve it by instituting state-wide martial law, stopping and frisking all the black state senators, going on the radio to call Democrats names, stamping his little feet, attacking Al Sharpton for some reason, hiring various mobbed-up criminals, and moving his office to whatever is currently the most obvious remaining terror target in New York (the Brooklyn Bridge?).

Thankfully he won't be governor, because his campaign strategy will once again consist of not campaigning except in Florida.