Ryan Reynolds for the Ladies, Mayim Bialik for the Fellows

Everyone ends up somewhere. Whether it's on bad family shows or stuck in a coffin underneath the desert or sitting through 25 more butt-numbing minutes of a movie you didn't like the first time. Everything has its place.

Even though she's all grown up now, Mayim Bialik just can't get away from the teen stuff. The Blossom star has nabbed a recurring role on Brenda Hampton's dreadful ABC Family series The Secret Life of the American Teenager. She'll play a guidance counselor. Just like Jennie Garth does on the new, dreadful 90210. Can we say two's a trend? [Variety]

Guys, wasn't the problem with Watchmen that it was just too darn short? Didn't you want even more turgid, churning blitzkrieg 80s superhero angst? Well, you're in luck. A special 25-minutes-longer director's cut of the film will be screened in New York, Dallas, Minneapolis, and LA a week before Comic-Con in San Diego starts. Those extra 25 minutes really ought to make the movie sing. Hopefully it's just 25 extra minutes of hideously awkward owl-mobile sex. [THR]

Speaking of short-term releases, Lars von Trier's new gross-out horror flick Antichrist will bow, pre-Halloween, in New York and LA on October 23rd. Nothing says "Let's go get some Twizzlers in eight days" quite like Willem Dafoe and bloody ejaculate. [Variety]

All that hoo-haw about how teenagers are too busy Twitter-texting and YouTube-sexting to watch TV, so let's do a whole big media shift? Bunk, says the Nielsen Co. They just released a study that found that our pimpliest are no different from our wrinkliest, really. This was all part of something that Nielsen organizes annually, called the What Teens Want Conference. Which is sort of creepy. [THR]

Snide Canadian of the hour Ryan Reynolds is taking a slight detour from his successful career as young romantic whippersnapper and dual weapon holder to star in something dark. He'll play the lead in Buried, about a private contractor who is kidnapped in Iraqistan and wakes up buried in a coffin with only a candle, a cellphone, a knife, and his chiseled-like-the-glaciers-of-Baffin Bay physique to help him escape. So, two hours of Ryan Reynolds squirming around in a box. Quite a literal interpretation of what the ladies have been asking for. [Variety]

This (500) Days of Summer movie is apparently pretty good. [THR]

OMG you guys, Bob Orchard left the ART! [Variety]