Arthur Kade Is Going Overboard

We've always suspected that F-list Philly fameball Arthur Kade was laying on the Zoolander-ness a little thick, for effect. We so wanted him to be real that we've tried to ignore it. But this week, he's just become unbelievable:

June 21: Arthur Kade is the New Oprah.

I have always had this responsibility because of my looks, status, and confidence, but now when I meet a girl, the first thing out of their mouth is "You're the guy with the website", You're too big for little old me", and "I'm not cool or good looking enough to hang with you"...

While out last night in AC, a friend asked me, "What's it like to be able to walk into a place, and be the most influential opinion?", and I responded "It's amazing, but everyone kisses your ass because you can make or break a place by that opinion", and I realized at that moment that I have become like Perez Hilton or Oprah, because people realize the incredible lifestyle I live, and will follow any example I do around the world

June 24: Arthur Kade addresses the media.

I talked with the writer about my enormous story in the Mag, the influence I made in increasing their sales and web hits, and could tell he was fascinated with how diverse I was, and the opinions I had. When he saw my face at first, He asked "Arthur Kade?" and we shook hands and I sat down next to him. He called me "Hot" right now, and said that he changed his Facebook status one time to say "What would the Philly Media do without Arthur Kade?", referring to the effect I am having on media around the world, and how big a story I am...
[It] was funny when he called me an "Anti-Hero", to which I said, ‘I'm a hero for the working man".

June 24: Arthur Kade caused Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey to break up because Vanessa totally wants to get with Arthur Kade but now he's not sure if he wants her cause she might not be a big enough star for him. No need to excerpt this one.

Arthur Kade Is Going Overboard

June 25: Arthur Kade Dominates everywhere he goes.

People sit and wonder what I am doing next (To the point of obsession and stalkers, I may need a bodyguard soon), and are living their lives vicariously through me, and I never disappoint to show them the rock star life I live...

My influence in New York is huge, and the site that is constantly obsessed with my life is Downbythehipster.com (Considered the most influential and talked about nightlife site in NYC with one of my friends calling it "The Bible of New York")...

After the party, I am heading to the airport and jumping on a plane to LA to dominate the left coast for 5 days.

Arthur, you have to tone it down a little, yo. It's no fun if it's not believable. Think of how you like all your hot women to fake orgasms. You want them to really display some subtlety, right? You're trying too hard.