Stumbling on Lost Cash Now America's #1 Employment HopeS

The Way We Live Now: Waiting for that last big score. The government won't let us stop working. The economy won't let us start working. We just go to college and dream of finding a box full of cash.

In France, it's always been a god-given right to retire at age 60, and spend the next 40 years taking it easy in a countryside chalet, at the expense of your younger taxpaying brethren, who themselves are only employed 25 hours per week, in cafes. So now the president is talking about raising the retirement age as high as 63(!) which he calls "inevitable."

Just another reason we're superior to the French. We haven't had to worry about retirement age increases for years, because we all know we'll be begging for Wal-Mart greeter jobs when we're 80 and desperate to buy our medicine. Only young people are worried about work over here. That's mostly because, now that they've closed all the factories, Midwest kids are being forced to go to "college" rather than go work at the plant for the rest of their lives. Sure, it's a sacrifice, but dental technician or firefighter beats Taco Bell counterman, in most situations. "Call them Generation R - Generation Recession," suggest the NYT. Instead, let's call them Generation MCKWFYLACJLUCKAH: Middle Class Kids Wasting Four Years Laying Around College Just Like Upper Class Kids Always Have.

College kid or retiree, everyone right now is fascinated by that box full of $40,000 in cash that was left at an auto dealership in Florida, and has been totally unclaimed. "That's mine," says America, simultaneously. And the recovery begins.
[Pic: Getty]