Today in Autopsies

Happy Autopsy Day! Michael Jackson's revealed him to be a hairless disfigured ghoul, but was also fake. Billy Mays' found that he died of heart failure, not head trauma after a rough airplane landing.

According to the Sun, which claims to have been leaked the results of Jackson's autopsy, the singer:

  • Weighed "8st 1 oz," which is apparently Druidic for 112 pounds
  • Had nothing but "peach fuzz" for hair and died with his wig on
  • Had scarring on his face from botched surgeries
  • Was missing the bridge to his nose, the right side of which had "partially collapsed"
  • Had nothing in his stomach save for partially digested prescription pills
  • Had injection sites near his heart, apparently from Pulp Fiction-style attempts to revive him with adrenaline
  • Suffered broken ribs from CPR

TMZ, citing literally nothing at all except for that they "learned" it, says the Sun report "was fabricated and completely false." Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. TMZ has sources within the Los Angeles law enforcement bureaucracy, and if someone within or close the coroner's office were disputing the report, that would be one thing. But Jackson's family is highly incentivized to deny the claims, and would surely lie to TMZ in order to bat them down.

The Jackson family has demanded a second, private autopsy. It's unclear whether it has happened yet—the Sun says it happened on Saturday, the BBC says the Jackson family is still "seeking" it—but look for another round of (presumably less grotesque) autopsy leaks soon.

As for Billy Mays—he died of heart failure and had evidence of hardened arteries, according to his autopsy. There was no sign of head trauma, which puts to rest speculation that he might have suffered an embolism after being hit in the head by flying luggage during a hard airplane landing on Saturday. He'd been taking prescription painkillers due to recent hip surgeries, but the autopsy results say they didn't play a role in his death.

Also, thanks to TMZ, we've listened to the 911 call his wife made after waking to find her husband cold and not breathing. You probably shouldn't, but make your own call.