Matt Drudge reports exclusively this morning that President Barack Obama has been employing an African witch-doctor technique known as the "evil eye" in order to impose socialism on hard-working white Americans.
As the summer begins, White House watchers have spotted a new look by President Obama: The Evil Eye!
Staffers have joked about the menacing glance, which comes when the president meets with world leaders who are not aligned with his progressive view.
Victims of Obama's voodoo sorcery have included German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Colombian president Alvaro Uribe, Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, and at least one unknown White House reporter. While the heads of state appear to have survived Obama's wicked glance unscathed, the condition of the reporter could not be immediately assessed.
The Evil Eye is not fully understood, but scientists believe that when wielded by a skilled wizard it can impart impure spirits into the victim, with effects described as "worse than poison" or "the points of spears." Its hazards can be avoided by carrying a blue stone with a white circle inscribed in the center, "sweeping a raw chicken egg over the body of a victim to absorb the power of the person with the evil eye," or believing in Jesus Christ.
It is believed that Obama's facility with the Evil Eye may be traceable to his Mohammedan roots. Mohammed himself claimed that "the Evil Eye is a fact, and if there were anything in the world which would overcome fate, it would be an Evil Eye." However, most Imams generally regard the use of magic as un-Islamic; it's unclear if voodoo priests are exempted from that restriction or if Obama obtained a special Fatwa permitting him to use it for purposes of Communism.
Gawker would like to apologize to our readers for failing to appreciate the full gravity of the situation when we first noted Obama's steely gaze six months ago. We called it his "STFU Face," and clearly failed to investigate or follow up on its association with bedevilment. We pledge to do better next time.