You should stop smoking, doctors say. Here, we have medications to help you stop, doctors say. But oh—these medications could make you kill yourself. What the hell is science good for?

Chantix and Zyban can help you stop smoking, by ending your life:

Federal drug regulators warned Wednesday that patients taking two popular drugs to stop smoking should be watched closely for signs of serious mental illness, as reports mount of suicides among the drugs' users.

And you'll get a nice hearty chuckle out of this: Zyban is also sold as Wellbutrin as an antidepressant, with one small flaw: "suicidal thoughts by patients who use it for depression." Uh huh.

Science: totally worthless.
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Send an email to Hamilton Nolan, the author of this post, at Hamilton@gawker.com.