The Week of 7,821 Weeks to Go

This week, a bad man went to jail, and many other bad men did not go to jail, no matter how much we wanted them to.

• Bernie Madoff will be in jail for 150 years, but Ruth's only prison will be the prison of the mind, and the prison of whatever marginally less lavish home she ends up living in. The victims are still not very happy! But on the whole they have been pretty whiny about this whole thing.
• A woman with a vomiting pug claimed she was mistreated by a member of the NYPD. She did not end up dead, and she is not black, so surely there was more to this story. There was! She maybe called the cop various mean names, regarding his being a Jew. (She called him "Bernie Madoff.") Ray Kelly issued his standard there is no evidence that a cop did anything wrong response. Because this story involves both an entitled pug-owning Brooklyn blogger lady and a member of the NYPD we are guessing they both acted in ways well outside the bounds of socially acceptable behavior.
• Also being unreasonable and annoying, this week: authors! Specifically, Alice Hoffman, who used Twitter for evil
• And: Joe Jackson remains one of the world's worst living human beings, and he should probably be sent to jail for at least 150 years, for murder, basically. Slow murder. Of course if we were Geraldo, we would just call on him to be killed by an angry mob, or something! This is the same guy, this one calling for a child molester to be killed, who was very excited to replay his exclusive interview with his good friend Michael Jackson last week. Maybe America really should be nuked from orbit, by terrorists! It's the only way to to be sure.
• Oh, Vibe died this week. No one will ever pay anyone to write about music again, btw. So, hope you didn't want to do any of that.
• Look, more premium cable shows that we won't watch. (But Richard will!) And also there is this thing, about the children. It is enough to make you want to flee to Agentina, or Park Slope!
• Ok, but, if we nuke America, these people would survive. So we are reconsidering!
• Steve Jobs is alive! Moneyball is dead! Sarah Palin cannot stop lying!
• We agree: let's ban links. Especially links to Newser, and the HuffPo.
• Someone live-press released their date with John Ratzenberger. It was amazing.
• America is about to have a birthday!

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.

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