Karl Lagerfeld Will Not Tolerate Hoi Polloi Appropriations Of Chanel

Chanel, the legendary fashion brand run by Mugatu-esque overlord/enemy to Heidi Klums everywhere, Karl Lagerfeld, is pissed. They let everyone know how much they cringe when you use their name to refer to anything but Chanel. Dare speaketh Chanel?!

Don't try it. Because their lawyers will find you and stab you with a wire hanger, or something. Via Pursuitist, Chanel ran an ad in the back of yesterday's Women's Wear Daily letting the world know specifically what IS and IS NOT Chanel, and how it absolutely chaps their exquisitely powdered asses when you get it all wrong. Neit more with this bullschizah! Get it right, you Well Intentioned Mis-Users:

Karl Lagerfeld Will Not Tolerate Hoi Polloi Appropriations Of ChanelS

That's right: it's not a Chanel Jacket, even though the look in question is patently Chanel's, which, you know, would be a pretty decent thing for anyone else. Like when people call all brown soda a "Coke," there are probably worse things in the world than being ubiquitous, unless you're Lagerfeld or Chanel's lawyers. In which case, any commoner taking the name of Chanel in vain will be positively destroyed. Or made to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. Either way: I'm going to take my Chanel tattoo and get it erased, cancel the service on my Chanel Cellphone, and take my Chanel Condom off (while holding the reservoir tip, of course), while taking a stand for appropriated brands everywhere, and against Chanel. Because, honestly, as "important" as Chanel may be, anybody snobby enough to try and dictate the way people speak or write is pompous, stupid, and probably giving fashion at large a terrible name (pronounced "Chah-nehl," in case you were wondering). As for the "extraordinary woman's timeless contributions" to fashion, I don't think Chanel's lawyers will disagree with anyone when they bring up her homophobic Nazi past. But then again, they've got more important things to keep in mind, right? Footage of Evil Chanel overlord, Karl Lagerfeld, trying to change minds on child labor policy, below:



What is Chanel? Well, let's find out...
[Pursuitist]

Worth noting: one commenter pointed out that this ad's run by Chanel quite often. Whoops! In any case: DO NOT KILL THE PRIME MINISTER OF MALAYSIA.