The subway does the strangest thing to people. For example, sometimes, the penises of men will escape their pants! This is a strange phenomenon that's only well-documented in retrospect. Until now. Uncensored flasher action, after the jump.
Someone decided to document said phenomenon on Craigslist for us! The poster in question is clearly a well-to-do Brooklyn philanthropy oriented type. She offers to help the man get his penis back in his pants, with her friends! And maybe a photograph of him on the internet might help it stay there, no? Here's the post:
After only one stop I looked up from a rousing game on my phone to see that you appeared to be in great pain because your face was contorted. Upon second glance I noticed the problem..Your penis was trying to escape from your pants!
Clearly it had found its' way through your zipper (I can only imagine the pain that caused) and wiggled away from your grasp. In fact, it was already making a break for it! I saw it hiding behind your man-purse where no one could see but me. You struggled to grip it in your hand very tightly in what must have been a valiant effort to contain the beast, every time you pulled it back a little it would escape further and with more force. I admire you, it's not easy - I'm a woman and I know those things can be hard to handle. Still, I was shocked. The penises I've come in contact with were always much more domesticated and happy with their owners - is yours unhappy with you?
Maybe you were pleading with me for help, because you were staring at me quite intently. I met your eyes and while I wanted to speak - to cry out and tell everyone of the trouble you were having - I had no words. However, a picture is worth a thousand words and so I thought I would snap one on my phone so I could warn the world of your unruly penis.
Your penis must be camera shy because once it realized a picture had been taken it receded to the safety of your slacks once again and you quickly ran off the train at Atlantic Street/Pacific Ave- no doubt to go discipline it - or maybe to go to a hospital and have it drugged. I don't really know.
While the Craigslist poster nor the man in the picture have been identified, we'd like both to come forward if they wish, certainly one more than the other. Craigslist poster: you're a wonderful, fun writer! And it was so kind of you to charitably offer to help that nice man on the subway.
Other person: you're a fucking dirtbag, and I can assure you that if I or my friends see you on the subway, your penis will be kicked very hard to ensure that it stays where it belongs, or at the very least, someone's gonna call an MTA cop. Also, girls don't give a fuck about your peen; it's old and disgusting and you're certainly not going to help its cause by doing this. But you'll give us great material! So: carry on, I guess!