Senator Macaca to Rehabilitate Himself with the Whitest Book Ever

George Allen, the Republican senator from Virginia who thought he could be president before hurling French racial epithets at dark-skinned people and attempting to hide his shameful Jewish ancestry, is writing a book called The Triumph of Character.

The book, according to Regnery, the right-wing publishing house paying Allen to pay someone else to write it, will bring "together two all-American passions-politics and sports-and reveals what Washington could learn from the enduring principles found in athletic competition and team sports," which in the South means stop letting the blacks play quarterback. (He's looking at you, Michael Steele.)

Allen's character, such as it is, didn't really triumph in his 2006 senatorial re-election campaign, which he lost after referring to an opposing campaign volunteer of Indian descent as "macaca" from the stage during a rally. The librul media reported that "macaca" is French for "monkey," and used by white Tunisians to refer to the local black folk. Which is crazy because Allen was a good ol' boy from Virginny, so how would he know from "macacas"? Turns out his mother's parents were Tunisian, so that explained that.

Then Larry Sabato came forward to say that when they were in college together, Allen said "nigger" and "wetback" a lot, probably because Allen never gave Sabato any earmarks. And then when a reporter pointed out that Allen's mom was Jewish, Allen accused them of casting "aspersions," because who wants to be called a Jew in public?

So there's George Allen's character for you. In 2005, a National Journal insiders poll ranked Allen as likeliest to nab the GOP nomination in 2008. Here's to hoping that his new book is an attempt to rehabilitate himself for 2012.