No More Celebrity Stylists Means a Freer America

Oh that's cute. Because the economy is dumb these days, famous celebrities have gotten it into their bone-swaddled, pea-sized brains that they can dress themselves. This means no more work for scary skeleton stylist ladies like Rachel Zoe!

Yes, the New York Observer brings us word of the untrending. The economic downturn has caused TV and movie houses to slash their budgets, and personal stylists are one of the first things to go. So that could explain why It girl celebs like Gossip Girl's Blake Lively have been dressing themselves of late. They'll go to showrooms and fashion expos on their own and pick out what they like, enraging some of the bitchiest of the fashion bunch:

"She's the one that looked like a mess in that Nina Ricci dress at the Golden Globes!" sniped celebrity stylist Phillip Bloch [of Lively], who has worked with Halle Berry and Salma Hayek. "This is why you need a stylist. If you go to a designer, their goal is to get you out the door and on the red carpet in their gown come hell or high water. They're never going to say, ‘This just might not be right for you.'"

Hey girl, hey. Bloch does have a point, albeit a useless one, though it doesn't address the other reason why celebrities might be ditching their highly-paid helper monkeys. As stylists like Zoe, Stacy London, and Bloch become celebrities in their own right—with reality shows and bitchy newspaper quotes—it begins to pull back the curtain on how our favorite stars look so damn fabulous all the time. No, natural acting ability does not come hand in hand with innate fashion sense. Ha! It's all very practiced and calculated, sometimes down to what one wears to the grocery store.

So while the American empire crumbles all around us, celebrities increasingly do not want to be associated with the embarrassing largess of paying someone lots of money to pick out their clothes in the morning. Bloch says this is a cutting out of "the middleman," which is apt and true. And it's an unnecessary middleman! Maybe everything in the entertainment industry just got too overheated, too frivolous and expensive. Now's the time to issue some correctives, so let's start with the people whose jobs are really just entirely made up.

Of course then we'll have to march down the line axing everyone from dog walkers to, gulp, people who recap television shows, but if it'll get America back on the right track, then so be it.

We can't dress ourselves and we're damn proud of it. Won't you join us, rich and famous celebrities? Potato sacks unite!

Image via INF