Horny Evangelical Christian Senator Got Mommy and Daddy to Bribe His Piece on the Side

This John Ensign thing is becoming amazing. Earlier we learned that Ensign's buddy Sen. Tom Coburn, an OB/GYN, is citing doctor/patient privacy for refusing to talk about him, now we know that his parents "gifted" his mistress with $96,000.

Read the hilarious letter some poor lawyer had to issue today on behalf of his Jesus-loving ass-goblin of a client:

In April 2008, Senator John Ensign's parents each made gifts to Doug Hampton, Cindy Hampton, and two of their children in the form of a check totaling $96,000. Each gift was limited to $12,000. The payments were made as gifts, accepted as gifts and complied with tax rules governing gifts.

After the Senator told his parents about the affair, his parents decided to make the gifts out of concern for the well-being of long-time family friends during a difficult time. The gifts are consistent with a pattern of generosity by the Ensign family to the Hamptons and others.

None of the gifts came from campaign or official funds nor were they related to any campaign or official duties. Senator Ensign has complied with all applicable laws and Senate ethics rules.

Paul Coggins
Fish & Richardson P.C.

Counsel for Senator John Ensign

Ha! How stupid do they think Americans are if they think for a second that we'd buy this gift nonsense as an excuse for 51 year-old U.S. Senator funneling money to his mistress and her husband through his freaking parents? Wait, don't answer that—Sean Hannity will explain how this is all perfectly reasonable tonight on his show and millions of conservative sheep will fall in line with this horseshit.

Would it be crass of us to say that we ever find out our lady is cheating on us, we sure hope that she does it with a good ole "family values" Republican U.S. Senator. That way we could at least pay some bills and take an all-expenses paid trip to Amsterdam when it was all said and done.

Ensign Still Bringing Home Dirty Laundry to Wash [TPM]
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