Unlike former Presidents, former Vice Presidents don't get Secret Service protection. (No one's ever gonna take a shot at Quayle.) Except one! A certain mean old man still gets a taxpayer-funded security detail.

It's Dick Cheney! For some reason, former Vice President's Secret Service protection has been extended, though no one knows for how long. Also: these extensions must be approved by the commander in chief, so Obama is protecting Cheney from someone. Or maybe he is protecting all of us from Dick Cheney?

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.