Whenever someone gives out free things, it can be anything from a positive, organized promotion to lawsuit-inducing mass hysteria. And today will be no exception, because today, my friends, is FREE. SLURPEE. DAY.
Things you should know about getting a free Slurpee on a hot-as-balls summer day: it's gonna be tough, so bear down. We suggest wearing riot gear, or at least making some kind of scene so people will be okay with you cutting in line. Maybe an oversized costume, so people will be charmed - har har, how cute, he's dressed as a giant iPod or whatever - and let you pass through. Maybe buy a single Miniature Reese's Peanut Butter Cups so you don't have to wait, and you can snap your fingers and be all like, I'M A PAYING CUSTOMER, GODDAMNIT, MOVE. BY THE WAY I HEAR THIS SLURPEE IS FREE. IS THIS TRUE? Or maybe you might just have to wait it out.
Gawker's crack team of culinary experts does not suggest mixing flavors on this day - it's July 11th, 7/11, get it? - and you know some flavors will be more well-tended to than others, more often than not, the Coca Cola one. Go with that.
Today is also a wonderful day for 7/11 to trot out a bunch of cute, press-releasey trivia on the Slurpee. Ready?
- Slurpee drinks are all served at 28 degrees.
- Slurpee was "invented" when some sodas were put in a freezer to cool them down - and they became all slushy.
- Winnipeg, Canada is generally thought to be the Slurpee capital of the world, due to their amazing Slurpee fanaticism.
- When Slurpee first hit the market, it wasn't self-serve. The machine was behind the counter and the clerk served the product to you.
- At Slurpee, we call it a BrainFreeze. The scientific name for it is Sphenopalatine Ganglioneuralgia. Really.
- Sugar is the anti-freezing agent in most Slurpee drinks.
- American Slurpee is injected with air. Canadian Slurpee is not. [Ed. Fuckin' Canadians. HA! Yet again, another way in which we trump you. Our Slurpees have air.]
- Every day more than 11.6 million Slurpee drinks are consumed around the world.
- n 2004, 7-Eleven created an edible Slurpee straw. [Ed. Excuse me? Is this edible plastic we're talking about? Genius. I love to chew on plastic. Seriously.]
- Only one private individual owns a bona fide Slurpee machine. The rest are in 7-Eleven.
Wonderful! Other things you may not have been aware of that you might want to be: Last year's food riots aren't so far in the past, speaking of riots! Last month world hunger "reached the 1 Billion Mark." The globalizing forces of the world are now thinking that maybe people dying everywhere from a lack of free Slurpees might not be so good, so they're staring at teenage asses and then tossing a bunch of money at the problem and we're gonna see what happens, starting with the whole "teach a village of landlocked people how to fish" idiom and moving forward from there. Anyway. Just something to think about when you're sucking down that wonderful cup of icy goodness. In the First World, we get free Slurpees. Everywhere else, you just go hungry. Sigh. Anyway, remember: don't mix flavors! Meanwhile, the ICEE Bear goes in his cave of Cherry Awesome and cries.