Old Man Lamely Defends the Goldbricking Defeatist He CoronatedS

If you've wondered whether John McCain, in light of recent events, has felt a heightened sense of shame for choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate, we have an answer: No! Further, she may have quit because of thinning hair.

McCain was a guest on Meet the Press today and was quizzed on the whole Palin resignation fiasco by David Gregory. He smiled and oh-goshed Grandfatherly and acted like all of this was just dandy and that he has no regrets about plucking little ole simple Sarah from the wilds of the Klondyke to run the country in the event that he, a 72 year-old man with a history of cancer, had to step down for, like, dying or whatever. No, McCain can find no fault with any of what she did and he doesn't regret picking her and she's still a hope for the future of the party blah, blah, blah.

Poor John McCain—The old "maverick" doesn't have the sack to say what you just know he really feels and believes deep down—That he toiled away for years as a prisoner of war, refusing to bend to the demands of his captors all the while, and for decades as an able public servant, only to see his shot at the presidency, not to mention a historical legacy looked upon with almost universal esteem by future generations, destroyed by one horrendously God-awful decision. Congratulations John McCain—Sarah Palin, the complete antithesis of you, is your legacy.

And speaking of Palin, a report in Monday's Times suggests that stress was causing her to lose her hair.

Friends worried that she appeared anxious and underweight. Her hair had thinned to the point where she needed emergency help from her hairdresser and close friend, Jessica Steele.

"Honestly, I think all of it just broke her heart," Ms. Steele said in an interview at her beauty parlor in Wasilla, the Beehive.

Perhaps now we're getting to the real motivation behind Palin's decision to step down—Pageant girl vanity?